Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Divine Intervention

There was Divine Intervention. I actually passed my Engineering Mathematics. For the question standard was post-graduate level, it was simply unbelievable. Haha. Thank God.

Apparently this morning 630am, I drove back from KL to NT for the second time. This time it took about 4 hours. It's rather long coz my car is basically not in the best condition. All the while I was being overtaken by cars.

So when I reached my hometown, I had laksa n ice kacang as my lunch n went for a hair cut. Then I went home. n I went for a movie with long time no see frens [SPIDEY, hehe, not really good though]. So basically I had half of my to-do list n one tenth of my to-eat list done. lol. and when I went to a yamaha music shop in Prai, i actually ran into a fren, Jacob. He was working there. So we went for dinner. It was nice. hahah.

Jacob n I
Jacob n I in Yamaha~



Ok. Now switch ur mood into something else. I'm gonna talk on something serious. Back on Monday, there was a fren of mine told me that, I was a freak. He said I was very competitive [as in a negative way, in chinese 好胜, meaning the personality in which only want to win, never be willing to lose],n I admit that. Sometimes I perceive failure in a very bad way. Sometimes I couldn't control my temper when I lose. I'm MORTAL. So I have my own weaknesses. ok. I'm ok with that. But the next thing he said triggered a button in me.

"NO ONE can actually stand u, except for your best fren who endures it so much." said he in conspiracy tone.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, no one"

So i was shaken. Am I really that bad? I started to doubt. Am I making everyone around me annoyed? that they really CANT STAND ME for being so "competitive" (choose a more suitable word for me)? EVERYONE around me? All my frens? What do he know about all my frens? But the thought of "everyone cant stand u" still scared me. I know I have some real close frens who do not think so. But what bout the others?

Then I must be freaking annoying. not just that. I'm so annoying that everyone around me can't stand it. and the main problem is: I don't even REALISE?

So, judge me please. For you, who is reading this right now, who knows me. I need your sincere comment on me. Am I really that annoying? that NO ONE can stand me? What change do I need?

14 comments:

Jacob said...

Hey bro,well,IMHO, your quite a nice person:) Always nice to hang out with,someone that shares the same passion with me,someone tat I can call bro:)
No doubt we made mistakes from time to time,but we are all humans.We do have our own unique personality,character, the way we do things.Some of the things, or the way we present something might be unacceptable to others,but on the other hand it's ok for others.

At the end of the day,we need to ask ourselves,and justify ourselves,whether are we accountable to God on the things on life.If it's ok with God,then thk God and go for it:) But at the same time,do consider others opinion and feelings when you present yourself.

And anyway,we loved you as who you are,and we accept you as who you are.M sure real bro n sis in Christ of yours will know truly and deeply that no one is perfect,and we should ought to accept one another with the love of Christ.So yea,if you would ask me,IMHO,you are a person that I can call pal:)

PS:Oh ya,personal tip: I try to check with my closer friends,like my God Sis or best friends,reviews on me,whether is my conduct right or not,and i value their personal opinion so that I can strive to be a better person and also to keep me accountable.
Well,anything just msn or sms me;) God Bless and Take Care!

who am i?? ur beloved.. said...

i love Jacob's reply!!! :)
i dare not to judge u thou..
if opinion, y not? ;)

we are living not for others, not for ownself thou.. but living for Him..

when u r so serious on others' opinion towards u, y not u just try to think of how God look at u?
ofcoz, no matter how good or how bad u r, He will still love u and will never leave u..

last, i love u.. :) :-*

Anonymous said...

dun live under ppl's shadow
-cg-

Anonymous said...

Don’t know what to say...hmm...i don't think I’m the right to judge u coz I know u not long enough.

Competitive? Why not? Anything wrong with that? Maybe it's not a good value but its not bad either. Is that all your friend sees in you? I thought friends should accept whoever you are. Either good or bad.

It takes a friend so much courage to tell you this. so, do think about what your friend said. We always want to be accepted.

Why do u bother? Because of the person who tell u this or you can't accept you are the person ppl can't stand.

hmm...just want to say, just try to live with it. Criticism. Without it.We won't grow up (I think)


wc

cjw said...

Hey buddy,i totally agree with what jacob said. We all have different personalities. You might be competitive, but that's who you are and it's totally not a bad thing, note that too much of it wont do you good though. You know what, no matter how good or nice a person is, there will always be someone out there that is unhappy with the person. You can't please everyone my friend. One of our purposes in life is to share the fruits of love to people around us. We love others, doesnt mean they will pay back the same way, that's what i learned. But that's what we do right.
Who is he to say that no one else except your best friends can stand u??? I mean obviously he is not one of your "close friend", otherwise he would not have made that statement. If he is not your close friend, why give a damn about what he said. Good friends accept each other for who they are, and will stand by each other.
So my friend, don't take it too hard on yourself. and don't care bout what other people say bout you. Dont live on others' opinions,it will tear you down.Live on god's word, and you'll know you are right in god's eyes. Last, i dont find you annoying :)

I've been reading your blog all along, and i always see you bursting out with all these questions and thoughts. Seems to me like you're goin through a pretty rough time. you always talk about the negative things that people do, all the unfairness, coldness, selfishness in life, why this and that, and all the unpleasant times you've gone through... Why don you shift your focus on god and ask for his guidance. what can you learn from all the hardships? what can you do to brighten up the world of the people around you and make god and yourself happy? and you'll see that's a life worth living! :)
ps. every hardship we face is a challenge for us to become stronger. God didnt put us here to be comfortable, he put us here to Build our characters.
take care! God bless!

Anonymous said...

Dear Kae Vin,

I would not want to judge you. It took me desperate nights, struggling to change myself from hating you to accepting you. And I don’t want to travel back into the dark forest again. I have to admit that you are being over competitive. 有時候,你好勝到一個地步,似乎我沒有可存留的餘地、我沒有可呼吸的空間。而每一次和你在一起的時候,我就一直和你做比較。我們倆一直斗炫斗曬,直到我忘了我是誰,也忘了你是誰。

每當你我開始炫耀自己的時候,突然我變成了你心靈敵對的恐怖分子,而你變成了我内心國土的非法入侵者。當你我越過了彼此的楚河漢界,心内的警鐘就被敲響,我們各自的防衛系統立即被啓動,我們就各耍其招,斗個你死我活、戰個你存我亡,才願意罷手。似乎這是最後的戰役,不戰不快。但是分出了勝負以後,我們卻腫紅瘀青、兩敗俱傷。

其實,我們都毫無安全感。我們無法面對被否定、被拒絕的陰影傷害。競爭似乎變成了我們生存的方式。與其被可能面臨的拒絕所威脅,我們潛意識不知不覺地選擇了去傷害人、先發制人。其實我們都無心傷害對方,只是我們都不察覺我們的行動已經傷害了彼此、而且傷勢不淺。我們都渴望無條件的被接納、被愛;渴望到一個地步,我們互相競爭。其實内心想要的,只不過是一份的認同、了解和接納。

我欣賞佩服你身邊的知己。他們慷慨大方之心,或許這是我小人一輩子也學不會的功課。古語說“Love endures all things”。我想他們真的是很愛你、非常疼惜你這個朋友。

你或許要繼續跟我競爭一輩子,但是我不會怪你,因爲我的存在無法讓你有安全感,那是我的不足。反而,我想謝謝你看得起我,選擇從我身上找尋本來就屬於你的祝福。我了解這是你找尋自己的一個方式。我能體會這是你成長的一個過程。

愷威,我正在學習、試著去接納你。希望你也能明白,接納你,是我找尋自己的一種方式。

anson said...

last Anonymous with chinese words,
r u the one tat said "kae vin is a freak & very competitive??" i just wonder.. haha..

by the way, i love ur sharing, deep enuf.. just like wat u r trying to do maybe, to compete woth KaeVin's standard on sharing..

specialhuman said...

First, I wanna thank you all for being so supportive~ :D i really appreciate all opinions n comments of yours.

Afterall, it's not that the comment of my fren bothers me but it's the 'fact' that no one can stand me bothers me.

and now i can see there're at least some of my frens who can stand me.

n that's enough for me. :D

kL said...

I agree a lot that you a a very competitive guy. But anyhow, i am also quite similar to you. So whenever you did something good, i will try my best to overtake you. tat's happend to you too, agree? This is one of the way that make us improve a lot. So nt bad lo.

mortals like us won't improve in a world without competitor. So i think that, people like us tried our best to make the world a better place. So v should proud of oursleves la....

specialhuman said...

kl,
hahaha, u r right...becoz of competition, this world advances faster...

Hmmmm, good point to ponder about

ky said...

hmm.... is it a she who gave you such comment? :S

Being competitive is bad? You set different goals in your entire life. Most of the time those goals might be totally meaningless to other people, but hey that's where you find the meaning of your life, and they propell you throughout your ups and downs.

I have to admit that you're very competitive. I've wrote that in your friednster testimonial N years ago. You're a visible threat, a great rival, a strong contestant, a good comrade, a reliable friend..... and hey you're not that 5 year old kid i knew anymore, isn't it a good thing? lol

For them who still think that we should be lovey-dovey-happy-family with everyone, zOMG grow up!! If you are plain sour loser, here's my advice to you: If you can't beat Kae Vin, join him. That's how you nullified an enemy, muahaha.

Anonymous said...

actually u should asked those who are closed to you, they know you well. i don't think i am the right person to judge you as i only know little about you..But, i had heard some rumours about you saying that you are over competitive and most of your friends can't stand you.

I just want to say that you are who you are and you are not live for others... just be yourself.(except that don't be too competitive, those who are closed to you will be under great pressure..) sometimes, just let others to win. I am quite sure that you will find it hard if you always have the strong intention to win and afraid to lose no matter what.

it's good that you are looking positive towards those critisms. In fact, we all learn from mistakes then only will we grow up to be a better person.

Anonymous said...

Dear Kae Vin,

You have frens like Jacob and cjw that truly understands you and accept u truthfully. Those are the frens u know in Penang. In KL, have u met any good and close frens tat truly understands u? It may because that the people here are different, mentality is different, and the way they judge u are different.It also may because the duration u stay here is not long enuff to meet someone like zc to know u tat much...

Being competitive is a good thing, but from my point of view, don't show it out so obviously. When u "lose", use other methods to overcome tat anger of urs. When u r competing over small things that are not crucial to u, let others win. For instant, playing wif ur frens, if they make fun of u, try let it go, u dun HAVE to pay them back double, if u do, it will be quite tough for people to get near to u, they will be afraid of the way u "payback". It may be tat the way u play in penang is different, but here, we dun do wat u do...

Tat may be a bad example, but tats wat i know abt u... So, be urself, dun be too overshadowed by one of those who cant stand u's opinion abt u, he may be competing wif u and lost miserably and try to hurt u by overstating that NO ONE around u can accept u...

specialhuman said...

anonymous:

I appreciate ur comments. I'll think about them.

but...is it ok for u guys to leave ur name? perhaps some initials will do. at least let me know who u guys r..

thanx ya~ :D