Monday, March 13, 2006


Is there any wrong to be obsessed with aestheticism?

Came across this word. AS-TE-TI-SI-SM. Don't really know how to explain it. Basically it's the idea of admiring all the beautiful things.


n. belief that beauty is the primary standard (with other standards being subordinate); excessive devotion to the arts; movement in art characterized by interest in classical art forms

Isn't it human nature to love the beautiful? But to be obsessed with it? and to despise the ugly? Is that a norm? I'm confused.

In my mind, I'm unconciously dividing people into groups. Groups that are lovable and unlovable. Ease is to love the lovable, vice versa to the unlovable.

In my mind, everything is nice. Everything is in order. Everything is fine. Nothing is wrong. And I was wrong. Everything is not nice. Everything is not in order. Everything is not fine. Nothing is right.

My mind automatically rejects all the filthy parts of life. The creed of aestheticism is that all things on earth are adorable. As a child, I used to think so. When entering adolescence, I was tending to think so. Now, I'm pretending to think so. I'm mocked of my pretending innocence. The others behold my stupidity and laugh their asses off.

Why are truth and ideal always against each other? They meet, they crush, and ideal is breaking into pieces. And I always have to bend down, picking up all the pieces, with tears and with cuts made by the sharp edges of the pieces on my hands . The ugly truth of the fallen world haunted me by then. Bloody and murderous.

I got nowhere to run, as it exists in my mind. Kept accusing me of how stupid and ugly I m. Emotionally I'm vulnerable. Emotionally I'm murdered. The inner me is bleeding to death.

I'm talking like a schizophrenic.

and yes, there's something wrong to be obsessed with aestheticism.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Butterflies are beautiful
not because they are,
nor because they aren't,
it is because of:
its Progress in Light

Beethoven is beautiful
not because he is,
nor because he's not,
it is because of:
his Passion with Love

Beauty is beautiful
not because it is mortal,
nor because it isn't mortal,
it is because of:
the Paradox of Life