Tuesday, November 08, 2005

A desire not fulfilled

it hurts to be defeated isn't it? that kind of feeling that tears me apart....then leaves me out in despair....

no one to blame. it's neither my own fault nor others' ---- n this is the hard part...it feels better when i have someone to blame, even myself...at least i can rationalize everything...n i don have to tell myself - U lost becoz u r lame.....at least i wont be using L-A-M-E...some other words mean the same with the different effects....

perhaps this is wat's meant to be? sometimes i think my life has been way too smooth...i always get wat i wanted. like a spoilt child, i yell over anything that i think i ought to get...self-centered? ya, very. my ass is fucking high up in the space. when i was a kid i'll shriek my voice to the max when i din'tget wat i desired, n growing up tells me it doesn't work everytime, therefore i learn to shut up n try again n again. though most of the precious things doesn't allow rehearsal n it's now or never.

desire leads to emotion. if the former is fulfilled, the latter will be pleasant, n vice versa......so to say that desire is evil is partially correct. it causes sin...the very ancient n primitive sin was triggered by desire. but desire is the reason that mankind keeps striving n thriving. i donno....i m obviously possessed.....by my very own desire.

the whole story is simple. i was kicked out of a jamming competition, no, we were kicked out. forming a band to perform is always my desire. i have the chance to do it now. but i was fucking knocked out. no, we were knocked out. i donno the reason. everyone has tried their best. i guess it's the song choice. we chose the wrong songs.

forgive then forsake me. i m juz muttering.....

i m sorry for wat i felt, jesus

6 comments:

Shin Sar said...

things happened for reason.. don't be sad.. don't give up.. perhaps it's not your destiny.. i believe your time will comes... time will tell... don't give up.. there are still lots of opportunities awaiting for you in the future!

specialhuman said...

shin shar:

ya, everything happens for a reason. but sometimes it's pathetic to know wat u have done is in vein~ nevertheless, thanx for ur concern~ :D

Jacob said...

Yo,nvm lar..U've tried ur best n that's wat matters the most;)
Try again nex time=)
All the best;)

specialhuman said...

jacob:

yo..i m alright now. it's juz some grumbles after being defeated~ :D

thanx for ur concern~! :D

God bless u~

Ren Geng任耕 said...

Playing music is not for winning anything or gaining any recognition... we play music by our heart and the music is in our own favour... Tat's the real music... Maybe some others judged our music is not good enough...Their view may vary with our view when playing that music...Music that we played is ours! from our own feeling and point of view...No matter facing lost or if really become super famous in music world...Music muz be still played and enjoyed for ourselves first!

specialhuman said...

ya....u r right~ i m juz grieving over my flunk....coz sometimes i need acknowledgement from others. sometimes i wanna share my joy n love of music with others....afterall, i m absolutely alright now. this post was written when i was so moody n frustrated.

anyway, thanx~! :D